Nine Very Old Eggs
Remember how I mentioned that you have to age your hen's eggs if you want to hard boil them because if they are too fresh they won't peel? Remember how I rudely laughed at everyone who has to buy their eggs from the supermarket and who think they're buying fresh eggs but aren't because I've never bought an egg from the store that wouldn't peel...yeah, that was just plain mean. I wasn't kidding though. Not to rub it in any one's faces, but I had to age these guys for three weeks. Yup. That says volumes about how old grocery store eggs must be.
I haven't eaten hard boiled eggs in a long time. I've been craving egg salad, or deviled eggs, or even just sliced egg on a salad nicoise (my version). Finally I get some boiled! But what do I do with them the second I boil them? Put them back in the fridge unused. Sheesh. They aren't getting any younger in there. I guess I'll make some egg salad today with my very tough and stringy garden celery. Doesn't that sound delightful?! (Why I can't grow good celery is a mystery. I think I will stop trying now.)
Every now and then I need to clear out all the wisdom in my head in order to let new wisdom in so I'm going to empty some out right now. Go ahead and dig in! Incidentally, if you need some advice about something please don't hesitate to ask while I have some wisdom left. I will dedicate a whole post to giving you advice if you like. (I always wanted to be an advice columnist). Here it is:
(I'm a lot less wisdomous than I thought, I'm now struggling to come up with bits and shreds of wisdom. I could never be a magazine mogul. Clearly. Maybe it's because I forgot to take my medication this morning. Yes, yes, I take wisdom meds. Doesn't everyone? I'm running off to take them now...wisdom will return after the following message....)
NEVER CHEAT ON YOUR SPOUSE OR KARMA WILL KICK YOU IN THE ASS WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT. (that threat was brought to you by the marriage police of America (me) and is supported by the Buttafuocos.)
Well, for right now I'm tapped.
*Just to be clear, I am not judging people for having babies at older ages, just pointing out that nature is still giving us all a very clear message about how wise that is with the increased risks still associated with such pregnancies and greatly increased infertility problems experienced by couples in their late thirties or their forties. It's a fact of life that the quality of eggs and sperm decreases as we age. That's not a judgment, just a fact.
I haven't eaten hard boiled eggs in a long time. I've been craving egg salad, or deviled eggs, or even just sliced egg on a salad nicoise (my version). Finally I get some boiled! But what do I do with them the second I boil them? Put them back in the fridge unused. Sheesh. They aren't getting any younger in there. I guess I'll make some egg salad today with my very tough and stringy garden celery. Doesn't that sound delightful?! (Why I can't grow good celery is a mystery. I think I will stop trying now.)
Every now and then I need to clear out all the wisdom in my head in order to let new wisdom in so I'm going to empty some out right now. Go ahead and dig in! Incidentally, if you need some advice about something please don't hesitate to ask while I have some wisdom left. I will dedicate a whole post to giving you advice if you like. (I always wanted to be an advice columnist). Here it is:
- Pizza is not a diet food. Unless it has no dough, no cheese, and no lard-dotted meat on it. Marinara sauce is fine to eat on a diet though. Go ahead and pig out on some red sauce with barely roasted veggies, you won't hurt your diet on that.
- Having a baby will NOT bring you and your spouse closer if you're having marriage problems. Instead, your infant will be like a megaphone amplifying all the ways in which you are inadequate and not working as a team. Babies are like bombs, not sutures.
- Love is NOT all you need. While love is all well and good and we all need some of it, don't be fooled by this song. There's probably something wrong with you anyway if you're getting all your wisdom from songs. But seriously, love is not going to feed you. It won't change diapers. It won't pay the mortgage (unless by "love" you really mean "prostitution"). And it isn't going to make President Bush less of an asshole. So don't come crying to me when love doesn't turn out to be the answer to all your problems.
- Life is hard and then you die. (Ooops, that was a very 1980's sentiment that slipped right out of the shadows of the grey matter. I had no idea it was lurking there.)
- If you don't think parenting is difficult then you're probably doing it wrong or someone else is doing it for you and I don't want to hear about it. Because then I might be forced to smack you. Which would send the wrong message to my child. It would be very un-Ghandi-like of me.
- Eggs and spermatozoa do not get better with age. It is best to use them before their expiration date which may not be convenient to your career or life, but in case no one noticed yet: nature doesn't give a shit about when we're emotionally ready to have babies. Science has made many things possible, like having babies later in life more safely, but often at a great cost.* So if you know you're going to want to have children, try to get moving on that in a timely fashion.
(I'm a lot less wisdomous than I thought, I'm now struggling to come up with bits and shreds of wisdom. I could never be a magazine mogul. Clearly. Maybe it's because I forgot to take my medication this morning. Yes, yes, I take wisdom meds. Doesn't everyone? I'm running off to take them now...wisdom will return after the following message....)
NEVER CHEAT ON YOUR SPOUSE OR KARMA WILL KICK YOU IN THE ASS WHEN YOU LEAST EXPECT IT. (that threat was brought to you by the marriage police of America (me) and is supported by the Buttafuocos.)
- You should never let other people's definition of success bring you down. Be your own yard stick and you will definitely succeed, even if you succeed in ways unexpected. This is perhaps the greatest piece of wisdom I have acquired in my life lessons. Lately I've been struggling a little with my self esteem, but the one thing that really keeps me afloat is knowing that no one else's measurement of my life so far has the power to take away what I feel are my greatest triumphs.
Well, for right now I'm tapped.
*Just to be clear, I am not judging people for having babies at older ages, just pointing out that nature is still giving us all a very clear message about how wise that is with the increased risks still associated with such pregnancies and greatly increased infertility problems experienced by couples in their late thirties or their forties. It's a fact of life that the quality of eggs and sperm decreases as we age. That's not a judgment, just a fact.