tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20487305.post4696898783522912764..comments2008-07-21T17:30:04.390-07:00Angelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05216322840161752535noreply@blogger.comBlogger6125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20487305.post-57102165222044384562008-07-21T17:30:00.000-07:002008-07-21T17:30:00.000-07:00I finally got my prescription filled but it's been over three days since I've had my medication and it's really not pretty. The thing about Paxil is that although coming off of it is pretty awful, it works extremely well for me as long as I'm taking it. <BR/><BR/>I've decided for the 124229076th time that being mentally ill SUCKS so bad that I'm pretty sure I wouldn't mind losing a few fingers in exchange for a balanced brain. Seriously. I actually think I am in serious need of the help of a psychologist. Reading that "Cutting" book turned out to probably be a very bad idea. It hurtled me forward out of a certain amount of denial that I depend on to keep myself from falling apart. I have no health insurance anymore and so can't afford help.<BR/><BR/>Nice huh? <BR/><BR/>Today I would be very happy to get a full lobotomy. And no, I'm not kidding.<BR/><BR/>Not even a little bit.Angelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05216322840161752535noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20487305.post-81565507799808466482008-07-20T18:02:00.000-07:002008-07-20T18:02:00.000-07:00AH CRAP! That Paxil withdrawal stuff is icky icky icky. I realized at one point that the Paxil was making me cycle ultra-rapidly, and that I needed to stop taking it if I wanted to survive. So, AGAINST MEDICAL ADVICE (Screw you, that one Really Awful Psychiatrist I had), I quit. <BR/><BR/>Then went through 12 days of electric-shock feelings through my hands, through my legs, through my face, through my MIND. <BR/><BR/>I will never ever take Paxil again. Now I'm on (among handfuls of other pills) a low dose of Celexa. Not nearly as nasty for me.<BR/><BR/>Anyway, I wish I had some Paxil, because I would overnight mail it to you.Blaizehttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07033894901666324351noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20487305.post-17973576263076696472008-07-20T14:58:00.000-07:002008-07-20T14:58:00.000-07:00I hope you find a way to get through the week until you get your Paxil refill. I found out as a teenager that my mom was/is a "cutter" as well. She tried explaining it to me one time by telling me that the physical pain hurts less than the emotional. Some days I actually understand what she means, I just happen to be such a weenie about pain that I can't even imagine wanting to inflict physical pain on myself to reduce the mental pain for a moment.<BR/><BR/>Anyway, wishing you a peaceful, non-eventful weekend.Katihttp://www.blogger.com/profile/18312698112377656801noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20487305.post-81161222958827459162008-07-20T13:06:00.000-07:002008-07-20T13:06:00.000-07:00I would love to stop by and say hi. When I know for sure when the visit is to be I will let you know and see if we can co-ordinate a meeting. I wish it could be today. I am feeling a bit empty as the guests that were visiting are heading back up to Hood River for another week, then back to England. Two of our chickens are going to a new home today as well and I have to go back to work tomorrow after being off for two weeks. Sigh....<BR/>Anyway, I look forward to meeting you in person.<BR/>****One reason I read your blog regularly is that it helps to know that someone else out there is/has going/gone through similar stuff. Also, as I have said before you are a fantastic writer. ---toniaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20487305.post-17874765418694212682008-07-20T11:41:00.000-07:002008-07-20T11:41:00.000-07:00Hi tonia! "Madame, Will You Talk" is my all time favorite and one of the ones I checked out! I always feel less alone when I hear from others (like you) who need to monitor themselves and their stimulation as I must do. It is a healthy and important way to help keep me (and obviously you too) in the healthiest state of mind possible. I'll get through the week-end fine- rationally I know that my head will not explode and that tomorrow I will be able to get a refill. But it is certainly uncomfortable.<BR/><BR/>Say, I was wondering if you would have time to stop by to say hi when you visit your friend here in a couple of weeks?Angelinahttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05216322840161752535noreply@blogger.comtag:blogger.com,1999:blog-20487305.post-70503807348222940802008-07-20T09:24:00.000-07:002008-07-20T09:24:00.000-07:00Hmm....I just re-read "Madam, Will You Talk?" for the umpteenth time. I read "The Little Broomstick" as a kid and re-read it every so often. When people at work are talking about movies they have seen and stop because they don't want to ruin it for anyone, I am the one who wants to know the ending so I will know if I could handle watching it. I have been known to read the endings of books and then go back and finish them. I just don't need any extra stress. I feel like I have a tenuous hold on keeping things together much of the time. I don't need to actively seek out things to read or see that will upset that fragile balance. The news and non-fiction I read does that just fine. Your dream sounds lovely. I hope you get through the weekend OK. --toniaAnonymousnoreply@blogger.com