Speech Impairment
Ten ways to prevent oneself from speaking:
- Duct tape mouth shut.
- Remove tongue.
- Take a lifelong vow of silence.
- Always have so much food in mouth that speech is unintelligible.
- Commit a crime bad enough that solitary confinement is mandatory.
- Always remain asleep.
- Have self cryogenically frozen until speech is considered unnecessary.
- Install bark collar on self.
- Use a whip stitch to keep lips closed.
- Live in a silent film with no subtitles.
