Dustpan Alley (OLD)

Marriage

This is a close up view of one of Philip's pieces of art. I know, he's a genius. It's what he tells me all the time.

I've been thinking a lot about what makes a good marriage lately. Philip and I have certainly had our rough patches and although it's true that we speak different languages (mine is completely based on logic and is a true clear communication while his is based on visual symbols that only other artists understand) we generally have what I would consider to be a good marriage. What does that mean to me?

Signs of a good marriage:

• You enjoy talking with your spouse.

• You see yourself growing old with your spouse, not because of your spouse.

• You don't keep score on every detail of your lives together.

• You don't have to spend every second together to feel solid.

• You can laugh when having sex.

• You often speak kindly of your spouse when they are not present.

• If you make fun of your spouse, you make fun of yourself just as often.

• Doing things for your spouse feels like doing things for yourself.

You may all be surprised to know that I am not an ideal spouse. In fact, I'd say that I'm extremely fortunate that I landed the one and only man on earth who could love me and all my interesting foibles. What kind of foibles?

• Until a few years ago I couldn't get to sleep without music playing to mask the sound of night.

• I can't sleep facing another human being because feeling some one's breath on my face makes me want to crawl out of my skin.

• I don't snuggle, I'm not a snuggly person and I find the warmth of other people's bodies overwhelming.

• I need a big bubble of personal space around me at the end of the day and if anyone tries to enter that sphere of space I will attack. It's not pretty.

• I have to decompress from big social events (like parties) for several days (this is much less severe now that I am properly medicated).

• I am restless. I am the catalyst behind almost every move we've made.

• I am demanding and not quiet when my needs aren't being met. Very unfeminine of me.

• I need a lot of alone time.

• I have a very low sex drive and the smallest whiff of sweat can knock the mood out of me.

• I'm also not romantic. Something I constantly feel guilty about.

Being medicated has made it much easier to live with me. Philip admits it. My moods are less fragile now and also less dramatic which makes me less demanding. I am lucky to have him and I know it, but don't think that prevents me from wanting to strangle him once in a while. He's still the person I want to tell everything to and I cannot imagine life without him.