In The Fitting Room

It's a little uncanny how much I look like my Grandfather in this picture. I have got identical jowls to his! I'm impressed that I have been able to cultivate them by the age of 38, it took him at least 60 years to get his going in full swing. Glorious! This picture is for Emma from the blog "My Three Loves" who knitted and felted this most amazing scooter scarf for me. It's super long so I can wrap it around many times and has bobbles on it. She knitted it for me in exchange for a jar of my vanilla pears.

Yes, the pears are THAT good.

But, for the record, I paid for the yarn. It was labor for labor. This scarf is now my security scarf. I own two extraordinary knitted/felted items now, both made by friends: my felted purse with the green glitter handles that Lisa E. made for me, and this scarf. I will have to photograph both for you more attractively, but not today. Too much to do.

This week has been about shopping for clothes. It's something I loath doing. I would have preferred to make clothes but I honestly don't have time for it and I finally realized it a couple of days ago. I always wait until it gets really dire. I was down to three pairs of pants (though only two of them were truly comfortable) and no unholy socks (Most of my socks are four or five years old) and three or four shirts that fit. Which means I do a lot of laundry to keep in clothes.

Yesterday Philip dropped me off at Macy's to shop. I've already scoured my local second hand shop, Ross, and our local fat lady clothes shop with the stupid name "The Fashion Bug". I failed to find a fancy shirt to wear to my Dad's wedding. It's black tie. I tried on some dresses and couldn't possibly have looked more dismally like Divine...what's depressing is that I actually looked WORSE than Divine...I really could have used some over the top make up. Dresses and skirts are OUT for me. I found a nice pair of pin-striped, cuffed, knee length pants that could be dressed up for a wedding. Clearly I'm not going to pull off a real black tie ensemble but one of my few true talents is dressing up casual clothes to look fancy enough to meet a queen in.

So all I needed was to find a fancy top to go with it. Something really dressy. Or else a tux style top. I found some white cotton tuxedo style tops but they made me look like a super-frump. After a mere two hours of trying on all kinds of tops meant to make large ladies look like stuffed deli meat, I finally found a lovely teal colored semi-fitted lacy top. I knew it was going to work when I didn't want to smash the mirror in the dressing room.

Of course it wasn't on sale.

What is it with all the giant fake jewels they put on clothes for plus size people? It insults me that designers assume that all large ladies are tacky. Most of them are also covered in crazy-bright patterns, real Pucci-esque numbers in bubblegum pink, apple green, bright yellow, and royal blue. I would never have dressed in such bejeweled patterns when I was a regular sized person, why would increasing my body mass make me more likely to adorn myself in such hideosity?

There's probably a psychology there but I don't feel like working that angle.

So what I need now is the perfect red lipstick, some really sparkly chandelier earrings and I need to transform a couple of red velvet millinery roses into hair ornaments. I plan to wear red forties-style platform sandals and paint my toenails red too. I'll look so fancy all the people in long gowns will wonder how it is they ended up looking so casual. Of course, they'll also think I'm a fat freak, but that won't matter.

Macy's always pulls through for me. I love Macy's. The one I went to in Portland doesn't have a MAC counter though and I found that quite distressing.

This is a nine day trip.

I haven't been out of the country since January of 2000. I have my passport, but what else do I need? Plug converters for the camera battery chargers and the laptop (Philip says we have one already and he saw it recently), my portable CD player with MP3's that Philip is making for me, notebooks, cameras, a book (I'll have to get one), but what else? Help me make my list! I'm usually quite a good packer. I rarely over pack. I'll bring two pairs of shoes, one for every day use and the fancy pair for the wedding. I always bring enough underwear to get me through the trip and socks too. But I'll only bring two or three pairs of pants, plus three or four tops (not including the wedding outfit). I'll do one load of laundry while there.

I rarely bring more than the basics in makeup and jewelry and other sundries. I keep it simple.

The last time we traveled we used our ATM to get cash, the machines automatically convert the currency and the rate was better than when going into the bank. Has anyone got thoughts on whether it's best to get traveler's checks or to just get money as needed from atms? What do you usually do?

I will make a list later in the day. Right now it's time to shower and get dressed. Philip is going to learn to brew beer today with his good friend Richard who's coming over soon. I'm still in my jammies. I think it's time to get dressed so I can go play Legos with Max as I promised him I would do.

Please, share your thoughts on travel necessities!

The Rose Geek Tour Of The Portland Rose Garden

My mom and I made it to the rose garden in Portland yesterday and it was perhaps the most perfect day on earth for it. It was warm but not boiling and absolutely everyone was out in the park. Going to this rose garden was like traveling to my mecca. I don't care how boring and over-popular you think roses are, once you start growing them it's difficult not to fall under their heady spell.

Here are some highlights of the visit:

• As we entered the parking lot, a narrow long affair, we passed by a large wedding party where the bride and groom were walking very formally together while her train was being held and everyone shuffled importantly around them. I almost yelled out the window "Vegas is the answer to all your troubles my friends!!" which is ironic since I think the only thing Vegas is good for is eloping in. But before I could shout out the window I was distracted by some white head scarves many of the women were wearing-my religious gear alarm went off...they didn't really go with the outfits and many of the women were wearing them...I guessed the family and couple to be Greek. We passed too quickly for me to hop out and interrogate the wedding party. Besides, I'm much too shy.

• The rose gardens were filled with people. I don't know what I expected, but in California, whenever my friend Sharon and I would go to Ray Reddel's test garden we were the only people there. I guess I just didn't think rose gardens were that popular. However, my mom and I stuck out like sore thumbs because we insisted on smelling all the roses. Very few other people bothered to sniff. We would rush over to some promising specimen with arms waving and excited exclamations "Oh look at this one...!" we'd lean in to sniff and then back away in horror "Oh God! Why does this rose smell like rot?!" 99% of the roses there have little or no scent. This is a HUGE oversight on the garden planner's part and makes me realize that I should have helped to plan it.

• The wedding party we had passed in the parking lot descended on the rose gardens, all white froth and black tails. I don't blame them for wanting to start their married bliss amongst the glory of all those blooming flowers. At the same time, I'm not particularly sentimental and weddings aren't all that exciting to me. A lot of fuss. Their fuss interfered with my enjoyment as they blocked many paths and specimens I wished to sniff. Plus, I didn't like the bride's dress much and one of the babies in their wedding party loudly objected to being forced to sit in the bright sun while about five hundred of the same wedding shots were taken. Gee, I wonder why? Yet no one bothered to walk the poor baby out of the blaring sun and away from the tedium of wedding photography. That baby objected piercingly for about forty five minutes.
  

• We found a shady bench to rest on for a spell and I got to chat with some old people. Something I particularly enjoy. When we walked away I couldn't help but hope that someone will enjoy talking to me when I'm old.

• Just as I thought we were free of weddings I bumped into another photo session in progress for a whole different much quieter wedding. Still, all that white froth. Brides still really love white. I got married in red. I think it would have been bad luck for me to get married in white.

• A whole lot of rose geekery ensued. I couldn't help myself. I was able to identify many of my favorite roses by sight which was so much fun and annoyingly self satisfying. I saw a pink rose that looked familiar by it's towering growth and prolifically blooming medium sized blooms and when my nose was lowered into it's orb of scent I almost died with pleasure, I excitedly told my mom I thought it must be "Frederick Mistral" and sure enough, it was. Finding roses you have grown and loved is like finding old friends out in the world. This is for you Sharon: the very last rose we found before we left was your old discovery "Jardin De Bagatelle". She's as wonderful and as intoxicating as ever.

• Apparently we were on the same time table as the Greek wedding party who left loudly honking their horns as we were walking to our car. My mom said towards the caravan "Oh, you'll find out soon enough..." and a lady behind us cracked up laughing.

I must go back before the end of the season. I must go back because it was so soothing and beautiful and absolutely the perfect place to spend time as though I have all the time in the world. I do think Portland is one of the best cities in the world, and I've seen a few. Now it's Sunday morning and I am dying to get a few garden projects finished, like training my climbing noisette rose "Kaiserin Frederich", and staking my drooping buddleia as well as clipping thyme to dry. Max is with Grandma in the city. We don't get a lot of Max free breaks so I plan to enjoy our morning. Also, we signed our refi papers on Friday and if nothing happens to curse us and ruin our lives, it should fund this week and we'll be able to pay off the credit cards!

Life is good today.