Up My Arsenal
The power of food

I have made a decision for my upcoming herculean effort to whittle away the 80 lb weight off my body: I have given myself permission to buy whatever produce I need to until I at least get to the halfway mark in my goal. Why? What do I mean? Don't I already buy whatever I want?

No. Remember the whole local food challenge I took on last year? Remember how I said I was doing it to make permanent changes in how I shop for food and how I eat? I have continued to buy 80% of my produce and food from local sources. This is not something I take lightly. It isn't sustainable to eat mostly produce that has been imported from hundreds of miles away. That continues to be a passion of mine. It will continue to be my objective for the rest of my life. I have committed myself to not buying oranges or other citrus fruit except as rare treats. No avocados, bananas, pineapples, or apples from out of state. Except as rare treats. I believe in rare treats from abroad.

However, in trying to map out my strategy for this extremely important goal of losing weight I have come to the conclusion that I need to make some quick progress- it is daunting to think about how much I have to lose and easy to become discouraged. I must not let that happen. So I need to be sure that I am strictest in the beginning because it will get easier for me once I'm on a roll (this was the case when I was losing the baby weight before). If I don't make good swift progress early on then I will risk ditching this whole plan and will spiral downwards. Not good. Must plan a way to block downward spirals.

So I have decided that I need the freedom to buy as many oranges, cucumbers (not in season), lettuce, broccoli, and possibly even zucchini as I want. I know how to cook for myself with California food: Mediterranean produce, citrus, avocado, year round lettuce, olives, etc. I will need to eat a lot of salad. And a lot of steamed vegetables.

Portion control is the biggest factor in my weight loss routine but when I'm feeling really low and I want to snack on crappy crap, an orange is very satisfying and feels good. I need to be able to eat them whenever I want. I have given myself the power of food.

I have finally got a place in the best local CSA which will begin in February so I will be getting lots of great produce from Oakhill Organics. I'm really excited about that! They always have a waiting list because their produce is so amazing and also because they are a great couple who both have really nice teeth. I'm sure that's got to be a factor. Hahahaha.

So while I am going to still be eating mostly local produce I have complete permission from myself to do what I need to do to get where I need to go. When I have made enough progress it will be a lot easier to see the end goal in sight and to stretch my imagination to make more dishes that rely almost solely on what is locally available.

My Christmas present this year is these Le Creuset stoneware petite casserole dishes. They are 8 ounces. This is approximately an appropriate portion of pasta in a healthy diet. When you see how small these are you will probably agree with me when I say it's hard to believe how much I eat compared to what is recommended.

I love these dishes. They make me giddy happy! I have the dreaded DSM (Diminutive Stuff Mania) and get really excited by the idea of making little tiny individual casseroles for dinner. I've been imagining what I'll make with them for weeks now. But now that they're on my counter I'm in that stage where I just stare at them and smile like an idiot.

DSM is the reason I will probably raise quails eventually just so I can fry tiny eggs and serve them to unsuspecting guests for breakfast on tiny toast. Oh, see, I just made myself chuckle out loud. You see how much tiny food amuses me? Which is what makes my huge dinner portions so ironic. I also (apparently) have a real affinity for birds.

Hummus
a recipe, and a sandwich to put it on

fTo make the best hummus:
Ingredients:

four cups cooked chick peas (garbanzo beans)
four tbsp tahini (sesame paste)
4 large cloves garlic
juice of two lemons
2 tsp ground cumin
1.5 tsp paprika
1 tsp salt
1 bunch bug free parsley

Put all the ingredients in a food processor. Blend it until it's as smooth as you like it. I like mine very smooth. If it's too thick, add water a tablespoon at a time until it reaches the consistency you want. Bear in mind that it will thicken as it sits in the fridge.

The beauty of this recipe is how easy it is to customize it to get precisely the results you want. If you're stranger than me and you like a texture to your hummus, don't blend it as long. If you want more garlic bite to it, add more! You can used canned beans (I used two 15 oz cans for my batch because I don't yet have bulk chick peas to cook up myself.)

If you don't need as much as this recipe makes then cut the batch in half.

And no, I don't know precisely how much this recipe makes because I never measure it afterwords, I just scoop it into a fridge container and use it as needed. If I had to guess I'd say it probably makes about 3.5 cups of it.

The hummus pictured in this post lacks the parsley because of my crazy bug infestation which, frankly, rarely happens to my parsley. I don't even know exactly what they are.

The reason I like this hummus so much more than most I've tasted is that it has a clear fresh flavor which is partly from the lemon and partly from the fresh parsley. I dislike hummus mixes immensely. I don't much care for most store bought tubs of it either. Most of them are bland, or grainy, or include way too much garlic. I like this one for its balance.

Assembling a hummus sandwich for Angelina to eat:

A quick tutorial

You will need:
2 slices wheat bread

homemade hummus
2 slices of heirloom tomato (mine came from Oakhill Organics)
crumbled feta (about two tablespoons...or more...)
about two minutes of your valuable time

First you must toast your bread. Generally speaking I don't toast my bread for sandwiches because the toasty bread rips up the inside of my mouth. But some sandwiches call out to be toasted, and this is one of them. Use good bread. It doesn't have to be fancy, but let it be one with some character and flavor. Mine is from a local company that makes excellent sliced bread called Piontek. There's no weird things in it to make it last longer. And it can't tap dance.

Spread each side with hummus. Resist the temptation to pile it in high peaks because if you do then you will end up wearing it as it explodes out of your bread. That's not pretty. Or dignified.

Sprinkle a bucket some crumbled feta on each side. If you're vegan, omit the cheese. The next step will show you why, if you don't like (or can't) eat cheese you will not be sorry to make this sandwich. I personally can't resist any occasion to use feta.

Now cut two juicy slices of an heirloom tomato and put them in the middle. It is essential that you use a tomato that you grew, or got from someone who grew it near you. It is essential that it be a tasty variety. It is essential that you enjoy how it looks sliced for a few moments because tomato season for most of us is a short period of bliss.

Now you have a sandwich that has a great deal of wholesome protein, grains, and vegetable (fruit) all in one go. Aren't you going to take a bite now? What are you waiting for? Let me just warn you that if you leave it there much longer I will grab it for myself.

This is what I had for breakfast this morning and just moments ago for dinner. I had other dinner plans but as this was so stinking good and I thought about it off and on all day long I couldn't think of any reason to have something different while I still have the supplies for more of this.

Possible variations:

Instead of using sliced bread make an open-faced fresh pita sandwich.

Add lettuce to the sandwich.

Use provolone cheese instead of feta.

Add some roasted eggplant rounds.

Or fresh cucumber.

Caramelized Onions

If you have never caramelized onions, it's time you did. I realize that they sound ever so slightly haughty like something a crazed "foodie" would make that the rest of us would find stupid (like "caramelized oyster juice"?!@)...but they are amazing. It takes a little time to do them right and that's one half of the caramelized onion trick. It's very easy:

Onions + Medium-Low Heat + time = Perfect Caramelized Onions

That is your equation. You must follow it. Do not be tempted to rush yourself. Be making other things at the same time and do at least three onions at a time so that you'll have plenty. You need to let the onions brown ever so slowly. If you're a punk in a rush you will burn them with too high of a heat. You need to scrape them from the bottom of the pan moderately often. You want them to brown, but then you want them to brown all over.

Then what do you do with them? If you made ten of them at once you have the perfect base for a heavenly French onion soup. If you made less you can use it for topping on a home made pizza. If you don't feel like making pizza dough, use bread. Toast your bread, spread it with either marinara sauce or pesto sauce, liberally top it with the onions, and then cheese. Or use it for appetizers on crackers: cracker, then cheese, and then small pile of sticky sweet onions. Add them to sandwiches. Use them with ricotta in a manicotti stuffing.

I'm sure they must be able to make meat a lot nicer too.

Once you do these onions right, everyone will think you're a cooking star.

You will also never get over them.

California

bad coffee does happen here

Melinda from Elements In Time wondered why I would complain about the heat wave in Oregon and then run off to California where it can only ever be worse. Good point. I don't miss the California heat and, frankly, I think Oregon has enough of it's own. We headed off to California to visit friends and family that we haven't seen in a year and a half. Friends' babies are losing teeth and turning into big kids. Pets have grown and/or died. Gardens are filling out. Homes are being remodeled...and it seemed that on the eve of starting a new exciting career as a Safeway checker, I had better get a vacation in because it's going to be very long time before we get to take one again.

So I managed to wing it which, as it turns out, is a very bad way to travel with a kid and a dog when most of the people you're visiting hate dogs and don't particularly care to do kid stuff. The air on the way down was heavy and hazy with smoke. The heat on the road was so uncomfortable that I wouldn't have minded having all my guts replaced with ice cubes.

This food, pictured above, is very fancy, very expensive, but not as tasty as it looks. We had it when we visited Mill Valley (more on that below) and ate at D'Angelo's, a Mill Valley institution. The food used to be a lot better than the decor, now the decor is a lot better than the food. That's what money can do for you.

When you are a delicate flower like I am you really need to have big hats and huge sunglasses. If I look suspiciously tired here it's because we slept in a very busy hotel room that (thankfully) allowed dogs but (sadly) made ours feel the need to alert us of strangers walking by every fifteen minutes through the night. It was a bit of a nerve wracking night due to the level of police activity and interrupting a very suspect scene near our hotel door in which snatches of conversation were heard. The kind of conversations that propel you into random kidnapping plots and violent crossfire.

Snatches of conversation liberally peppered with bits like "...well, he's dead now..." and "...we took the money from under the door..." do not fill one with the warm fuzzies. The truth is, we haven't heard a lot of gunfire since we moved to a small town. Coming back to Santa Rosa is like entering a real metropolis of darkness and fear compared to where we are now. The funny thing is that when we lived here we didn't feel quite as vulnerable as we do now that we've lived in a quieter place in which we rarely hear gunfire.

Mill Valley is a place that Philip grew up in. I hate to malign it too much because the way it was when he was growing up was really wonderful and I don't want to be too negative about a place that was so good for him to grow up in. But it's changed in the last thirty years a lot. It's become a place of money and privilege. The cars are all shiny and new and sleek and very expensive. People do not engage in random acts of friendliness and most of the women have a very worked over appearance.

I have a lot fewer strong ties to California than I thought before we took this trip. I have a lot of unresolved feelings cropping up which is just about as annoying as drinking bad coffee in a land with good coffee leaking out of every crevice. I am uncomfortable traveling and am contemplating the attractive idea of NEVER LEAVING HOME AGAIN.

On the other hand, I just had a really nice day with old friends I love and superb cheeses from an excessively expensive grocery store so maybe there are benefits of travel after all. Plus we're staying in our friend's camper and it's like staying in a fort with good pillows. Now Philip, Max, and I all want one to park in our driveway so we can camp out together in it regularly and pretend to be in the woods. We are figuring out how we can create scenery to fix outside of the windows to simulate different places we might like to visit.

The charms of agoraphobia never shined so bright. Home is a great place to visit.

A Sandwich Story

Look at that sandwich. Don't you want to eat that sandwich? I want to want to eat that sandwich, but the truth is that I was afraid to eat it. That's right, I experience food fear periodically and somewhat randomly. I'm not sure what happens but there's a little audible *click!* in my head that makes me unable to eat something I've prepared.

Your instinct might be to suggest that perhaps I need to take some cooking classes and maybe I should stop putting Spam in everything. I don't feel an inordinate amount of pride about many of my skills (just get me going on laundry) but I know I am a good cook because my family has a very discerning palate and it took years but they all agree now that I am an excellent cook. The opinions of my family members matters a whole lot more than I like to admit.

No, I don't know why it is but it has always happened. In spite of having been raised as a vegetarian and deciding to remain one, the first two dishes I actually mastered were: polenta with butter and rosemary, and perfectly roasted cornish game hens.

Yes, I have shoved my hand up a cornish game hen's sorry carcass to retrieve the bag of offal charmingly referred to as the "giblets". I have basted dead birds' bodies carefully with their own meat juices and delivered to a few guests what I hear was a very tender and delicious dinner. This is what I prepared for my room mate and a few of our fashion design friends in an effort to make the large nosed Lucca from Florence decide he had to marry me.

Instead he told me how, back home in Florence, all women named Angelina are very old ladies with multiple chin hairs.

Damn him. I've got five of them now.

The bastard knew I was going to have chin hairs, a love of aprons instead of stockings, and become a whole lot more ample. That's why he didn't want to take me home to his mother.

I got him back by calling him "Stallone Pantone" all the time after asking him how to say "stud muffin" in Italian.

I never tasted my own crispy golden cornish game hens because by the time I learned to make them I had decided that I was never going to become accustomed to the revolting texture of meat and it was a waste of time and potentially enjoyable meals to try and acquire a tolerance for it. Making those birds also taught me that I didn't intend to regularly (read: EVER AGAIN) touch dead flesh.

You would think I learned that lesson the day my dad left me a note thumb-tacked to a whole raw chicken when I was babysitting my sister after having taken acid for the first time the previous evening. However disturbing the texture of dead chicken skin is on a good clear day, it doesn't compare to the nightmare of moving undulating pores that it is right after you've come down from tripping on LSD.

Just for the record- I hated doing acid. I don't like psychedelic drugs. Actually, the only drugs I like are beer and cigarettes*. I did acid two more times before I realized that I really truly hated being high. Really. I know what it is to have hallucinations generated by my own wacky brain, what do I need to simulate being miserable for? My brain is a factory of fun all by itself. In fact, as it turns out, I have to take medicine to make it stop tripping all over the place.

Anyway. About the cheese. I made chevre cheese from raw cow's milk. It smells kind of sweet. It smells good yet it's not what I want. I can't bring myself to taste it. So I made this wonderful sandwich for Philip. He loved it. He loves the cheese. The cheese turned out great. But I can't convince myself to go wild and try it.

It isn't feta. I like feta. No, I am obsessed by feta. I miss feta and would happily trade in my shares in the Tillamook cheddar cheese factory for a nice big block of salty tangy crumbly and savory feta. More than avocados, more than lemons, I miss feta. I don't want a sweet cheese. I want it salty and tangy. The same way life comes to me. Feta with kalamata olives is how love tastes when sculpted by the sun beating down on dry soil.

I never taste a dressing until it's poured over my salad. The thought of having to taste a spoonful of any kind of "spread" for sandwiches makes me choke on my own tongue. Double that sensation if the spread has any amount of mayo in it. These are things that once in their designated food melange are absolute heaven.

Sometimes I make something that sounded really good before I actually have it in front of me. Philip will eat these meals and tell me they're very good. I made a lentil soup not long ago and I was craving it until I had the happy idea of putting some basil pistou in it. The second I let the giant spoonful of basil puree drop into the soup I knew I had ruined it. It still smelled good, and I actually did have a bowl of it** and even though most of my senses were telling me it tasted good, my body revolted and wanted to push it back up. Yum. So I didn't eat any more of it.

Philip says the cheese is very very good.





*I haven't smoked in four years so spare me any lectures.

**Purely out of guilt for having such a stupid childish aversion to a perfectly good soup.

Beautiful Food

After a winter of potatoes, dark leafy greens, and celeriac, the local farmer's market is a wonderful sight! Here's what I brought home: strawberries, broccoli, radishes, zucchini, fava beans, bread, and fresh basil.

It takes skill and a certain mindset to cook food based on what you have without always running to the market for that extra ingredient you need in order to make a very specific dish you had in mind...it takes a flexible and creative cook to look in the pantry, evaluate the produce on hand, and then come up with a menu that doesn't require extra trips to the store. Forgot to get fresh milk? Cook without it! I have lots of home canned tomatoes left on the pantry shelves, I've been so afraid to run out that I have been very frugal with my stash. Here we are in June and only a month left until fresh tomatoes start to trickle into the market.

Usually the basil shows up at the same time as the tomatoes but this year it's early. So what to do with a gorgeous bunch of basil? Tomato bread soup!! It's such a simple and quick soup to make. I just cooked an onion in some olive oil, added about a tablespoonful of pureed garlic (from cubes in the freezer), and then added one quart of home made tomato sauce and one quart of stewed tomatoes.

I splashed in a generous amount of white vinegar and then when the onions were soft I added a bunch of julienned fresh basil and after a couple of minutes I pureed the soup. I cubed six slices of stale sourdough wheat bread, added it to the soup with salt and pepper. Turn off the stove but let the bread soak up the juices for a few minutes. Done.

For an extra touch I also made a sauce of oil, fresh basil, and a handful of walnuts. Tomato bread soup is hearty yet summery. My version allowed me to make use of pantry goods which is a plus in the early summer season.

Foraged tea: the community garden had a decorative old wheelbarrow planted with sage and fully flowering chamomile that no one was going to harvest. I asked permission and harvested and dried it. They were covered in thrips so I had to wash the buds several times to ensure that I won't be eating (or serving anyone) reconstituted thrips.

On a quest for cheese making supplies my friend Lisa B. and I went to Kookoolan Farms where if you are very lucky you can get raw goat and cow's milk*. Yes, it is legal. I asked about the legal aspect of selling raw milk and found out that there are very stringent laws about selling it in Oregon: you must have a small number of livestock (there are specific numbers allowed) and you cannot advertise your product and you can only sell it direct to customers who come to pick it up at your farm personally.

Raw milk is only dangerous if the people milking the animals don't practice very clean and safe methods. Keeping your operation clean is the main safeguard against any dangerous organisms ending up in your product. This is why large farms aren't allowed to sell raw milk. The more animals you have, especially in confined spaces, the more chance of contaminating your milk.

Pasteurization, in my opinion, is just a way to allow large dairies to cover all manner of sins. As long as you heat the crap out of your product it doesn't really matter how much contamination enters the product during milking.

I don't actually drink milk. Plain milk grosses me out. I won't drink it. But I use it in cooking and now in cheese making. If I could always buy raw instead of pasteurized I would. I couldn't afford to anyway, so it's not a real issue. However, this is one of those things that is a no brainer for me: the less processed your food is when you bring it home, the better the quality.

At the farm I got to meet the three cows who provide my community with raw milk and they are so pretty, gentle, and sweet. I love cows, I always have, and these gals didn't disappoint in their beauty and soulful glances.

I also got to meet two baby goats who played with the kids like puppy dogs. I have always really liked goats as well. As everyone already knows I don't eat goat milk products or eat goat meat. I just like them for their curious ways. If there is any farm animal with a stronger personality I have yet to meet it. Even my hens don't have so much play in them and don't engage in frolic the way goats do. I would love to have a couple of them just for their lawn mowing ability. I was told that one of these little guys is going to be slaughtered for meat. I can't say that that rests easy with me yet it's all a part of our natural role in the food chain.

Have I mentioned recently how much I loath lawn? In California if you don't like lawn it's easy to kill: just don't water it. Dead within minutes. Here in the Pacific Northwest it grows no matter what. You can make it brown from not watering it all summer, but as soon as the rains come in the fall it springs back to life instantly. In the mean time it grows. And grows. Very tall, very fast. We hate lawn. Max is even mildly allergic to lawn so it's not like he's dying to roll around in it. We can never keep up with our lawn. I would like to remove it all and put down some crushed granite paths and turn the rest of the yard into garden beds.

We'll have to wait for that. The weather yesterday was gorgeous so Philip finished roofing the chicken run and I built another four by four raised bed and planted some herbs. I am so relieved to have gotten them in the ground at last. Growing herbs is, for me, one of the most important things I do, with very few ingredients and some fresh herbs you can make almost anything taste good. I planted: tarragon, winter savory, lemon verbena, thyme, parsley (the curly kind is my favorite), oregano, and marjoram. I need to plant a lot more thyme, oregano, and marjoram because all three dry exceptionally well and I use them A LOT.

It's been a great few days for beautiful food and I hope you all have had your share of it too!

*There are long waiting lists for the raw milk because it's so hard to get and is so desirable.

Pretty Kitchen Corner

I am not quite sure how the hours of every day get sucked into oblivion without my having accomplished much at all. It's possible it could be because of all the experimenting I've been doing in photoshop. It might also have something to do with how much time I've been putting into looking up all the job listings for my area even though there's really only one of them I actually want. I've done all I can for that one job and now I just have to wait and see if I get sifted to the bottom of the pile or if I get put in a brand new optimistic pile. Time to let go of it and see what happens.

There is a heavy distraction factor at work in the universe where there is so much to do, and most of it is stuff I actually want to do, that I don't even know where to look first. A strange miracle occurred yesterday that all my crafting/quilting friends will recognize as wonderful... my fairy Godmother (whose name is Joni) dropped off about ten or so boxes of fabric. FABRIC. Fashion fabric, quilting fabric, crafting fabric, old fabric, new fabric, and patterns too. I hit the fabric jack pot and it has made me believe that I must have some redeeming qualities because no one dumps that kind of treasure on the completely undeserving!

THANK YOU JONI!!!!

I haven't even gone through it yet. I want to. I want to do it right now. But I also need to finish building my garden beds. I also need to clean my kitchen and make food. In addition to that, I need to make cheese. I could have put the cheese making off for another week except that there was a sale on some local milk by the gallon and so I bought two gallons. We don't drink much milk around here so either I make cheese or I waste five dollars. I can make the cheese tomorrow. But dang...so much to do! Good God! I just realized I have a marathon of laundry to do too. It's almost enough to make me want to adopt a naked lifestyle.

I know I saw some thirties reproduction fabrics in there. There's a baby quilt top that Joni made but never finished which is so exciting! There are some patterns and buttons and some really amazing wool as well.

I'll bet some of you out there are dying for pictures so you can live vicariously through me. I think I should: clean the kitchen, start cooking but as soon as everything is going I need to sit down on the steps in the Williamson ghetto and start sorting through the riches. With a beer.

Are you all having a good Friday? Anyone making Challa bread or fish?

Strawberry Season
The Easiest Recipe In The World

It is finally strawberry season here in McMinnville. It's also rhubarb season. Obviously my mind is full of the possibilities...

Rhubarb/strawberry crisp
Vanilla custard topped with a compote of rhubarb and strawberries
Rhubarb/strawberry tart

I keep buying pints of strawberries, taking them home with the full intention of making something really fancy so I can post it here and have someone tell me I'm a genius (us humans really are pathetically fragile) and then I eat just one to see how good it is.

The insides are red, as strawberries should be, they are juicy, they are strongly perfumed, and the flavor bursts open like fireworks over a bank of snow. The flavor says the winter is truly behind us. The spring is nearly behind us as well. Straight ahead lies all the flavors and textures that make the summer so worth the wait!

Needless to say, before I know it the pint is empty, my fingers are red, and I still have rhubarb to use. I'm not ready to eat rhubarb without strawberries. I'm still vaguely suspicious of rhubarb, a vegetable that is still quite new to me.

We've been doing our version of the eat local challenge for six months now. Although there have been plenty of transgressions with items like condiments and Max's snack foods (I am having trouble not eating his packaged food when I'm really hungry and don't know what to make), we've really stuck to our guns with the produce which was the main goal anyway. Onions got scarce, garlic is nonexistent, and I haven't had salad at home for weeks. I still only get salad when I go out to eat (which is allowed in the rules of our making). No citrus but what was gifted to us. Not a lot of fruit for us this winter. Apples and home canned pears and peaches.

So the tangy sweetness and huge flavor of these small local strawberries (not the kind you can ship, they are very tender and exactly as a strawberry should be) is fulfilling a need for vitamin C foods. I feel thirsty for them like I haven't had water in months. When my body has been without fresh sources of vitamin C it feels dry and parched. I could eat a field of these berries. I am excited for the real season to begin- when I can go to the fields myself and gather u-pick strawberries to freeze and can. I didn't have my freezer in time last year to freeze any and all winter I wished I could chew on frozen chunks of strawberry or add them to muffins.

So for now, here is my recipe for enjoying the first local fresh strawberries of the season:

Rinse off the soil
Eat as many as you can at the kitchen sink

It doesn't get fresher or easier than that.*




*Unless you have a patch of them in your own garden...that is the ultimate way to eat them. Right in your garden with the dirt still clinging to them.

Pleasures
(six of them, right now)

1. Brand new silver sequined flip flops to open the summer season with and a turquoise watering can all floating over cool long grass; the glitter and the color like silly decorations on a green coconut cake.

2. The first local strawberries of the season; so delicate they bruise when you covet them with your eyes and the juices meet you halfway across your fingers.

3. The microcosm represented in a single droplet of water suspended for only seconds on the leaves of lupines not yet blooming.

4. The anticipation of food still growing lushly in a pot; knowing that the best nature has to offer is right on your own front porch; planning meals while watching them grow.

5. The marriage of elegance and silliness in a flower so unabashed in form that it falls over itself to reach you; like a friend tapping you on the shoulder with delicious wit.

6. The constant purring, obnoxiously cute antics, bunny hopping bow legged ravenously hungry pip-squeak and her sister are a constant source of pure pleasure.

Travel
What You Bring Home

For most people the point of travel is to explore and find out what else is out there in the world. You see new things, you learn about other people, you try new foods, and explore new textures. Travel is a way we can understand more about the world than what is right outside our front door. Yet I believe that for many people travel is equally important for what you bring back with you. If you travel and return home with exactly the same perspective, ideas, and knowledge as when you left then it seems, (to me), that you have gone nowhere.

If this trip has taught me anything it's that my family and I don't actually really know each other that well. Which is a surprise to me because I believe we know each other better than most families do. It is clear that my family (yes, ALL of them) know me well enough to know that I'm a very specific person, that I'm a vegetarian, that I am stubborn...but they don't know much about what I've done and seen in the world and how it's shaped me. Equally true is that I have my own blind spots for all of them and what I've learned is that I must open my ears fresh to their stories and their viewpoint but without the kind of usual questioning I use on everyone that has a tendency to shut my family's communication down.

We are a prickly bunch and we seem to agree on the basics readily but lose each other endlessly in the details. I have discovered that I need to let my parents, my brother, and my sister tell me their experiences without letting my preconceived notions about who they are crust up my hearing. My preconceived ideas were formed years ago and so were theirs. I feel that this trip has given us a chance to review each other. To start a new chapter in our relationships with each other. Who else brought that home with them is yet to be seen.

I have spent a great many years feeling unseen by my family and I wonder if they have now seen something new in me.

Whenever I travel I always bring home with me new ideas for living. I can't help it. Even in a land where most of the food makes me burp endlessly and where I would sometimes prefer to get all my nutrition from Guinness than from more chips and sweet peppers there is always some new food inspiration I carry in my taste-buds. The wedding food was not particularly wonderful for me but there was one dish that, but for the fact that the cheese was very goaty, is haunting me and will continue to linger in my mouth memory until I try my own version of it.

It was a portabello mushroom thing. I don't even know what to call it. The base was a tender portabello mushroom (and how did they achieve the tenderness? I often know portabellos to be meatier and firmer than I find pleasing) that was baked with soft goat cheese on the top. Ring molds were used for keeping the cheese in place so I am tempted to call it a tartlet. The cheese was pleasingly creamy and if it weren't for the goat-hide flavor finish- it would have been sublime.

And yes, for the record, I did burp up goat-hide flavor along with the bell pepper flavor...ALL NIGHT LONG. I think it's a testament to my love for my dad and his new wife that I actually ate the whole dinner without complaint knowing I would pay for it for hours.

I also brought home with me a heightened sense of what I want my own home to feel like. It should feel like all the aspects of the best bed and breakfasts, but a little less tidy because the reality is that I'm not tidy. That doesn't mean I shouldn't try to arrange my house for comfort. The idea of a bed and breakfast is that it's homey but better than home. You always find nice baskets in the bathroom with little soaps and shampoos. Things are arranged in the most convenient way possible and there is luxury in the details even if the effect is simply to make you feel effortlessly comfortable.

It isn't about being perfect. It's about the little touches. Something I did in our last house that I haven't figured out how to do here (because of counter space issues) is to arrange my bath salts and bombs attractively on the counter in pretty containers so that you always feel invited to run a bath. It made going into the main bathroom feel more like a pleasant surprise. Plus, it smelled super good with the bombs out.

I would like the entrance to my house to feel like coming back to a favorite bed and breakfast ...every single time I come home. Look at the simple entrance to this tiny cottage. The tiny topiaries are so welcoming. I feel like this kind of detail is something I forget about. I achieved this feeling in my house on Beaver Street. My front yard was quite often a mess but the box hedges looked so nice and formal, even when they got a little hairy, and there was always something pretty blooming in the planted half barrels on the porch.

In Glasgow there is a lot of tearing down going on and I was enchanted with the exposed innards of other people's homes. Can you see the thick layers of paint that have gone on these walls for the last couple hundred years? Those were rooms that people lived in and they painted them to please themselves.

People in cities don't have a luxury of space unless they are very rich. Most people don't have a lot of space even if they live in towns. Many many people live in apartments. Or small homes. Or have decent sized homes with postage stamp yards.

I had the luxury of both a largish house and a very large yard and I moved to an equal sized house with a smaller yard. Being in Scotland reminded me of how much space I have in my house and even with a smaller yard it is still almost four times the average sized yard in Ayr. I spied glimpses into people's walled gardens and was amazed at what they've done with so little space to create a sense of miniature paradise. I now feel like I have so much and my previous obsession with having "property" feels greedy and silly. I'm not saying it's wrong to want or to have lots of space...just that I never really maximized the space I had so why was I so desperate to have more?

My plan is to maximize what I have. I have a lot.

I went to the nursery yesterday to see about getting another Elephant Heart plum tree because I waited too long to plant my other one and it died. While I was there I realized that I already had a Green Gage plum in a bag that still had leaves on it that desperately needed to get into the ground. I bought a couple of terra cotta pots that were expensive...when did terra cotta get so costly?! After I bought them I thought about all the containers I have at home that could be drilled with holes and used for planting the plants I need to repot.

Learning to assess what you really have and what you can do with it; learning to maximize the space you already have; learning to stop and think about what you're about to buy before doing it takes practice and time. I don't consider myself particularly materialistic or much of an obsessed shopper*, yet I realized that I had a ton of plants waiting to get in the ground at home and there I was ready to buy more.

I came home yesterday, yanked out my poor dead Elephant Heart plum tree, and planted the Green Gage. I potted up all of the pots I already have with flowers waiting for repotting. Today I will look around for more pots. I have some ideas and when I figure it all out, I will share it with you.

I always bring a lot home with me from trips but most of what I bring home is weightless and stays with me long after the trip has finally been paid for.

As much as I love traveling, I love being home much much more.

*I didn't do much shopping in Scotland. The one purchase I made for myself that I was totally excited about were two packets of seeds which the customs officer stole from me because seeds now require some special stamp on them to be in the country. I'd very much like to know what they are going to do with my seeds? Toss them in an incinerator? Throw them on a trash barge?

Scottish Food
a profile

Haggis in a can may not be your cup of tea but it's my opinion that never has a disgusting traditional food come in a prettier package. Plaid gets me every time. I've never seen new potatoes in a can and I'm not confident that I would like them but I love to see what food people are eating in a foreign country.

These jars of goose fat remind me of Riana. I've never seen it for sale in the states.

The Scottish love their mushy peas. Personally I think you should go ahead and call them split pea soup or pea puree...calling any food "mushy" makes me think of smashed bananas.


What Scottish people eat at home is not information that I'm privy to but I can tell you a lot about the food available to travelers and shoppers:

• If you want authentic Scottish food, "authentic" meaning what Scots eat when they go out for food, you will eat at a pub. Pub food is what the Scots eat. They eat plenty of curries as well but when you walk a city in Scotland it becomes immediately clear that chips must accompany a meal if it is to be considered meal food. I have eaten enough chips in the last six days to coat my arteries permanently.

• You must drink Ale with every meal. (or beer) Businesspeople drink a pint or two with lunch and then they have a pint or two with dinner. Then they go out with friends and have several more pints. This is a lifestyle I completely agree with.

• Scottish people love bell peppers. It is nearly impossible to get a salad without them. Sweet peppers come on sandwiches, in salad, in vegetable medleys, and in pasta. I'm a little surprised they don't garnish pints of ale with it. I have been burping nonstop since I have arrived and I have stopped trying to avoid the peppers because it's futile.

• Don't eat pannini here unless it is being made by actual Italians.

• Most traditional Scottish food includes a lot of blood, guts, and oats. Tara tried vegetarian Haggis and said it was like a nut loaf.

• Scotland is still grappling with the concept of vegetarianism. For the wedding dinner Tara and I* got sorbet and fruit instead of the salad everyone else got with melon, lettuce, cheese, and ham. I would have been happy with a pile of greens with vinaigrette. The sorbet was good but disconcerting. It was much better than the previous trip to Scotland when I got a "vegetarian" chicken potato leek soup. I have high hopes for Scottish food, however, because they do veggie burgers much better than most places in the states. In fact, I've never had a lentil-spinach veggie patty before today and it was super good!!

That's it for tonight. It's 3:13 pm your time but it's just after 11pm for me. Zeke and Tara are out sampling the loud Glasgow nightlife and I have some television to watch. I haven't watched nearly enough yet and I don't have any at home. I don't know what I'm doing tomorrow but I can tell you one thing for sure: I'll be eating chips, fried food, and bell peppers in one form or another. I raise my Guinness to you all and hope some of you are eating something wonderful!



*The only two vegetarians in attendance. When I tell more wedding stories I will have to describe the main course too. Very interesting. I promise it involved lots of bell peppers.

Peanut Butter dips

fancy cookies

I don't make fancy cookies. I have a secret ambition to learn to make a dozen really pretty cookies that could be laid out on a fancy tiered serving dish for a tea with friends, but what happens when I make cookies is that I eat them all. Every last crumb of them.

This is not good for us thick ladies.

However, I have had some peanut butter sitting around in the fridge for months, shunned and neglected. The kid is extremely picky about the peanut butter he will eat and it periodically changes. So what to do with it? If you leave peanut butter in the fridge long enough it will either go rancid or it will fossilize. Since one of the things I'm trying to reduce around this homestead is waste, I decided to make peanut butter cookies and see if the kid would eat them. I followed a recipe from a book called "Once Upon A Tart" by Frank Mentesana and Jerome Audureau and then I embellished.

Instead of doing the traditional cross hatching with a fork, I left the cookies smooth. Then while the cookies were cooling I put about 1 cup of white chocolate chips in a glass bowl over a pot of simmering water and let the chips melt. If you have a double boiler, use it. When they were completely melted and the cookies were cool I dipped each cookie in the chocolate about a third of the way in and covered the front and then did the same with the back. If you are doing big batches and melt more chocolate at once you might be able to dip the whole cookie in deep enough that both front and back are covered evenly.

Place each dipped cookie on a sheet of wax paper to cool. If you want to speed up the cooling you can put them in the fridge for an hour.

The cookies were a hit. Now I'm thinking I might have to play with the drizzle effect using a fork.

If you have any melted chocolate left over, just put in a plastic lidded container to cool and store in the cupboard.

Cilantro Rice Salad
a recipe

This is a great spring dish that I just made up this week because it uses the first fresh cilantro of the season to dress a melange of items from the pantry. You could make it in the summer too when there is fresh corn and tomatoes to be had but I don't want to think about how much better it will be later when I'm enjoying the spring version now.

My friend Anna asked for quick vegetarian recipes and I think this one qualifies as quick if you have the black beans in a can. I had to make mine from dried which takes time. But cooking the rice takes twenty minutes and you can make the cilantro pesto and grate the cheese while it's cooking.

I can actually remember a time when I wasn't crazy for cilantro the way I am now. Now I crave it when I haven't had it in a while. Fresh is best with cilantro (in my opinion). You can freeze it and it is acceptable, but not the best.

Cilantro Pesto Ingredients:

1 large bunch fresh cilantro, washed and stemmed
3 garlic cloves
2-3 tbsp olive oil
salt and pepper to taste

Rice Salad Ingredients:

2 cups cooked black beans (or two cans)
2 cups cooked Basmati rice
1 can corn
1 quart diced tomatoes
2 cups grated jack cheese
1 recipe cilantro pesto

To make the cilantro pesto:

Put all the ingredients into a food processor and pulverize the hell out of it. You're done.

To make the rice salad:

Be sure to drain the canned goods first. Then you put all of the ingredients in a bowl together and stir well. You're finished. Dinner is ready.

Serves 6-8


Variations:

If you're one of those neurotic people who really needs two dishes on one plate, you could serve this rice salad with roasted potatoes, or grilled asparagus. I like it as a simple one dish meal myself. It's great at room temperature but it's also quite good heated. If you don't have black beans, I think it would be superb with chick peas. I also made this with pasta instead of rice and it was WONDERFUL. If you want to add some heat to it you could add chopped up roasted jalapenos. Or chopped pickled jalapenos. What brings it all together is the cilantro pesto. If you are vegan you can make this without the cheese.

Spaghetti Sauce

A local challenge update

It is getting pretty bare bones when it comes to fresh produce around here. If I want anything I am going to have to get myself to the Hillsdale farmer's market. I don't know if anyone will have carrots. Or celery root. But hopefully I'll be able to get my hands on some spinach and collards. Lucky for me I have lots of stuff in the freezer still.

This is the beginning of month six of the local food challenge we took on in October. How's it going? So nice of you to ask. There have been a couple of changes. After a lot of deliberation I have put Gulden's mustard and store bought ketchup back on the exceptions list. I can't find enough information about mustards to make one I like enough to replace the store bought. There is a book about making mustards that might help me but I haven't bought it yet. There are some local gourmet mustards but none of them are in the stores in my town, and they are all pretty fancy. Also I bought mayonnaise which I wasn't going to do because I can make it myself- however, being in the middle of a move has made it very difficult to take on any cooking besides the most rudimentary. Plus, we've been eating out a lot.

Which is now coming to an end. I've got most of my kitchen moved in. I can start cooking again. The first thing I made was spaghetti sauce with local mushrooms, home canned tomato sauce, and onion. Quite delicious!

So aside from the condiments, what are we still insisting on buying locally? Well, pretty much everything we've been buying locally so far. Max's food is still an exception and since he's wanted baby carrots, I've been buying them for him. But for me and Philip I haven't bought one non-local bit of fresh produce since October. I'm still only buying grains from the local mill and I'm not buying the grains I know for a fact are shipped from all the way across the country. Polenta is coming not from the local mill but from a local farm that grew their corn, dried it, and then milled it themselves. There is a local-ish grain company called Shepherd's grains that, while out of my 100 mile range, only sells grains grown in Washington and Oregon. I am thinking of buying grains exclusively from them only because the other local mills I buy from get wheat from Montana which is farther afield than Washington.

Things I'm missing? I would really like to make some winter squash tofu curry soup that calls for coconut milk. While cleaning out my pantry to move I found one can of coconut milk and was so excited I almost peed my pants!!

Ha, just kidding. But I thought I'd make the winter squash soup with it until I realized that tofu is still on the unavailable to us list because there is no local producer for it. I'm also really missing ricotta and feta. I still plan to make some but learning to make cheese is going to have to wait a little bit longer. Soon though. I bought some super expensive ricotta from a local cheese maker at the last farmer's market I went to but at $7.00 per cup I may as well be buying myself gold ingots because they'll last longer.

I'm really trying hard not to buy fresh cilantro from California. I pass by it every time I go to the store and it's cheap and I can smell it long before I reach it and I want it want it want it. I want it so bad that sometimes I feel my hands reaching for it before I slap myself to wake from my cilantro haze. I am definitely going to plant some because it's time now, but I haven't had any pots to seed them in and the dirt around here is (in case you missed mention of it earlier) solid clay. With the continuous rain it is no time to be planting (for fear of compacting the clay). Anyway, my mom just gave me a few pretty pots and I will plant some cilantro in them this week.

With home cooking on hold during the move I snacked on some of Max's crackers, the ones going stale because they went out of his rotation. I felt very guilty about it*. But some guilt is good for us, right? I mean, I don't have any Catholic or Jewish family members living close enough to heap on any decent levels of guilt so I must do things occasionally to bring it on for myself. Sun chips are good. Love that MSG.

Once you start eating mostly local as a matter of course it becomes second nature. I don't really think about the local challenge all that much. I mean, I check the onions at the store every time I go and when the box is from a local source I buy extra onions. I cruise through the produce sections looking for signs that say "local" or I check the labels on the boxes the produce is in or I ask the grumpy over-perfumed produce guy where stuff is coming from. I cook with what I end up with in the fridge or the pantry. It's so easy to do, really. I know lots of people think it's impossible. You just eat a little differently but certainly not awfully.

Of course, I have lots of stuff in my pantry and in my freezer. But I think what I've depended on the most has been my canned tomatoes. Tomatoes and tomato sauce can brighten almost any meal. Greens have been major. I need greens and they were hard to get for a little while there. But over all you just get used to not buying the other stuff and a lot of the time the other stuff isn't that great in the winter anyway. You eat more potatoes and onions and eggs and pantry stuff.

I don't know what all the fuss is about. Do you know how happy I'm going to be when carrots reappear at the farmer's market? And lettuce. I will be so excited to see those things again. I think it's good to be without some things for a while, because it's so easy to take what we have for granted. Now when things I haven't eaten for five months show up on my local radar- it will be so much sweeter. That is one of the biggest benefits to eating more locally.

No I'm not perfect. Dang, it's a good thing I told you all that from the beginning. I'm not perfect and I don't do things in the extreme. I think when my challenge is over I may occasionally buy some tofu and coconut milk. I don't think I'll buy ready made pasta again though. It isn't hard to make and it's so much better fresh. I think I'll keep not eating Max's packaged food. Oh- dang- I also have eaten some Oreos. BAD ANGELINA.

My plan for dealing with the cookie thing is to make some really amazing home made cookies to have on hand. Max does like my home made cookies.

OK, time to go eat something and walk the damn dog. She's a houdini and is bored and can get out of the yard through very narrow spaces between planks so I must walk her to get some of her restlessness out. Off to the old house to keep packing stuff up. I think I'll take her with me. Double whammy.

*Shhhh. I didn't really feel very guilty about it. I am not particularly sensitive to feelings of guilt. I mean, not over things like eating non-local crackers. Why waste time feeling guilty when one is already making lots of effort to live well and thoughtfully...I'm not a saint for crying out loud. Jesus. I only pretend to feel guilty about things because it makes other people feel more comfortable with their own self imposed levels of guilt. Frankly I think guilt is a waste of time. If I find myself feeling guilty about something I examine why, consider my options for the next time I am in a similar situation, and decide that I will make better choices the next time. If someone else is involved then I apologize to them, end of guilt. Damn. Life is too short. Guilt is corrosive. All guilt tells us is that we have chosen to act unwisely in some way and gives us an opportunity for reflection and change. It should be a brief feeling that we let go of freely.

Food Related Gift Contest Winner
we run on Angelina time around here

Remember how I was going to give this lovely gift ensemble to someone who commented on my Food Related Gifts post? That was way back in December when we all still cherished bright hopes for the new year. I promised three winners. I don't break my promises. That's why I don't go around promising to swallow disturbing substances to impress people. So, I have drawn a winner for this particular gift and sometime in the near-ish future I will draw two more names just as soon as I figure out what the prizes will be.

The winner is: CAPELLO!!

Capello from "No Appropriate Behavior" who just recently survived a trip to visit relatives in Michigan. Capello, who is fabulously caustic. I love her because she says all the things I have lurking in my brain but am too afraid to say. She's an excellent writer, mother, and she has great teeth. I'm so happy I pulled your name!

Now...on to other matters. My camera is not working again. Dammit. I think the work that was done on it is under warranty still but what a pain in the ass. I really love my camera too. It's small but takes some great macro shots. I'm looking on Ebay for used Canon Rebel SLRs because there's one low end model that was almost the same price as my Powershot SD850. What I want to know is if it really makes so much of a difference? Everyone is crazy for the SLRs but I'm not sure what the rage is all about. I am looking at cameras because I'm thinking I need a back up camera.

I love the Powershot because it fits in almost any pocket. It's inconspicuous and takes really great pictures. If any of you have thoughts on cameras, do share. I can't afford a high end SLR and I should also mention that I particularly like Canons because I've been happy with the ones I've had.

I have an impossible to do list right now. I have to admit that I am really feeling stressed.

One nice thing is that I made some nettle soup and it was really good. I have to admit that it has a slight seaweed taste which is really borderline edible for me. If it was any stronger I'd find it unpalatable. So the trick for me is to not use a ton of nettle at a time. I'd show you a picture but my camera won't focus well.

Max is home on spring break. During a week I have a thousand things to do, none of which are fun kid activities which means he'll spend lots of time on the play station. His eyes will be blood shot all week and I'll have to wear the scarlet letters BM.

BAD MOMMY.

Spring break is stupid. Week ends are plenty of break for my kid.

I tried playing Monopoly with my men-folk last night. I really did. I hate that game. I've hated it my whole life. See, I want to be a good mom. I do. A neighbor once told me that if Max wanted to watch foot ball on the weekends I would watch it with him just to spend time with him. She felt so sure this would be true. She wasn't accounting for the fact that the sound of football games on a Sunday afternoon make me want to swallow poison. It's so kind when people give me the benefit of the doubt and it doubles the guilt I feel knowing how wrong they are. Everyone knows I hate board games and some friends (WHO SHALL REMAIN NAMELESS) have accused me of enjoying being a person who hates games and who maybe is a little dramatic about it.

The thing is...they make me feel like my insides are crawling with worms and I'm being eaten alive by the discomfort of having to be in mean competition with people I like. I hate competition. I really do. I hate seeing people get really into games where they all want to win really bad. Philip becomes a seven year old when he plays board games and he's not the only one this happens to; the immaturity that board games seem to engender in most people is something I loath to see or hear or be a part of.

So hand over the letters dammit, because I am BAD MOMMY.

So there's nothing my boy and I like to do together. I don't like board games or playing Bionicles, or playing spies...he doesn't like cooking or reading with me or gardening or walking or bicycling. It's distressing. And we have a week to spend together where I will get to feel super guilty for not knowing what the hell to do with my boy that doesn't involve letting him play video games the whole time.

Plus there's the tax preparation that must happen today and tomorrow, more papers to sign with title companies (hopefully), and a whole lot of other stuff I am not yet at liberty to openly discuss. Monday feels a little draining to me already.

This Cute Could Kill You

The vet says TWO MORE WEEKS OF QUARANTINE. The ring worm is almost gone but almost isn't good enough to set these babies free in the house. He did say, however, that on a warm sunny day like this we could let them play outside for a little while. He just doesn't think it's wise to risk infected hairs dropping all over inside where we are most likely going to come into contact with them with our skin. So, they got to romp out in our back yard for a little while.

Their cuteness very nearly killed me. What kept me hanging on was the arrival of my "North and South" DVD. I finally got to see the proposal scene and I have to say that the train scene is still the best of all time. However...back to the cuteness factor...

The vet says they are doing way better than when they first came in two weeks ago. They do have a trace of the round worm left so obviously they still have a couple of issues. But their big bellies are just good old fashioned fat baby bellies and not distended at all. Their eyes are clear (no conjunctivitis) and they are spunky and did I mention the cute.

You know what's not cute though? Full grown women who wear candy scented perfume. I don't think it's cute when women try to smell like bubble gum or icing. Now, I am sure that there are some of you out there who like to wear food type scents and while I think that's just fine (because who the hell am I anyway?!) I just needed to say that it isn't cute and it kind of weirds me out. Especially when women wear a perfume called "Child".

So, yes, I'm talking about both the Simpson sisters now. What's up with them and their little girl obsession? I wonder if either of them have ever thought of growing some vegetables? Or some herbs? Do you think they grow tomatoes every summer?

Now I have to add that their father, Joe Simpson, gives me the ever-lovin-creeps and I wouldn't let him near a daughter of mine if I had one. Especially not if she had some boobage and was teen-aged. The man is a total pimp to his own daughters and it really freaks me out.

OK. You know what's sad? This is all old news. I didn't just read a gossip magazine. I did, however, just flip through the first fashion magazine I've looked at in two months. I have a bunch of them stacked up, waiting. I haven't wanted to look. Normally, no matter how unfashionable and frumpy I am I still love to look at fashion. I suppose I had the Simpsons on my mind because there was something about Ashlee's favorite things. One of them being a perfume called "Child" that she wears when she goes out and wants to feel sassy. Dudes: that's SICK.

My In Style is coming up for a subscription renewal and I kind of think I'm not going to renew. I love that magazine but my heart's not in it right now. I wanted to reduce the number of magazines I get anyway. I have been subscribing to four. I only want to renew Elle because it has the most relevant and interesting fashion coverage (more indie designers featured, more ecological talk, better writing, plus the good horoscopes.)

I don't really know what's going on but I guess it's a new chapter in more ways than I realized. I am much more interested in having great garden and herb books. I'd much rather bury my nose in books about roses and cooking. I'm sure if there was a magazine devoted to what celebrities are making meaningful ecological choices and which ones are growing their own (I mean- and getting their own hands dirty doing it) then I'd be pretty interested in reading about it.

It's gorgeous outside but I need to rest my back and do a small amount of cooking. So I'm not going to garden out there. I would like to start some lettuce and cilantro seeds. I'm dying for cilantro. As it turns out, it doesn't freeze all that well. It's OK. There's nothing like a big lush fresh bunch of cilantro to perk up almost anything. Yum. Wow, this post has become incredibly random. I was just going to post about the cuteness that is killing me over here. Here I am wanting to tell you all (because I know you want to know) that I want to try pressure canning some corn this year.

I kind of wish I had something scintillating to say.

Well, I hope you all have a great Saturday and if it's sunny for you? Good God! Get off the damn computer and go enjoy it!!!